I've struggled with mental illness for a number of years. I'm a creative person, and have seen, time and time again, the same battle between wanting to take on a new project and feeling unable to do it due to illness. I have seen this battle both in myself and in many close friends. Even now, I'm struggling to write this article, and am going through the process you see below. This is currently my second attempt- I started post this weeks ago but struggled to complete it. Sometimes I find that seeing things listed out makes them easier to organise mentally, similar to how people sometimes feel a relief when they are given a name or diagnosis for something affecting them. Once again, I'm at the start of a new project, but am finding myself stunted by the things I'll list below. I'm hoping that writing this list will help me to organise things in my own head, and will potentially help others to do the same- seeing my problems in a list helps me to pin down what exactly I need to tackle, and might help you to put a name to something that's been bothering you at the back of your mind.
The idea
I have a lot of ideas. I have so many ideas that I have notebooks, bullet points, drafts and outlines all over the place. Not too many finished products, though. I find that I have a lot of enthusiasm about the idea itself and the finished product, but lose my energy quite quickly. I want to have my idea in fruition as soon as possible, and that isn't how the real world works.
Starting the project
I normally start a project as soon as I can, running on the energy the idea has given me. I'll get really oganised, plan everything out, and... probably lose steam. (Am I going to give an internal chuckle every time I mention steam because it feels like a Steem pun? You bet) For example, when I first tried to write this post, I wrote about half the introduction, and listed out all of the titles for the other paragraphs. I know my own limits, and know that if I don't plan everything out in that first sitting, I'll forget what I had planned and am more likely to abandon it. It's important to find methods that work for you. For me, one of those methods is outlining a project as much as possible so that it's easier to come back to it later.
The first hurdle
Once the planning is done, it's time to actually do the work. My brain always seems to have an issue with this. Sometimes my first burst of energy will help me to get a little bit done, but at some point I will run out of energy. Part of me needs to realise that this is normal, and that if I can't write an entire article/story/play in one sitting, that is more than reasonable. However, another part of me needs to remember that while a play is too much to write in one go, an article probably isn't. It's important to set yourself a realistic goal that you can achieve but that will push you a bit. I always find NaNoWriMo helpful because I'm actively tracking how many words I've written every day, and have both a daily and a long-term goal. Mental illness has a habit of twisting thoughts that you've already had, and making you go back on decisions you've already made. I find that if I set myself hard parameters that I am not allowed to change when I'm not feeling as well, I'm more likely to actually complete a project.
Taking a break
Self-care can be a tricky concept. I have a very bad habit of indulging myself in the name of self-care, and that isn't the best way to take care of myself. Self-care is not about instant gratification, it's about making healthy choices. When working on a project, I will often not push myself hard enough, or take too many breaks in the name of self-care. Breaks are important, and I would urge you not to become stressed or overwork yourself- but also keep in mind that things won't always be easy, and you will have to really push yourself, probably more often than you'd like. By all means, take a break- but only when you really need it. Don't let a dip in energy or focus distract you from what you want to get done.
Can't get back into it
This is why badly-timed breaks are a problem. If you're going to take a break, decide in advance when the break is over. I don't just mean taking a lunch break and telling yourself you'll start working again in an hour; if you decide you want to leave something alone for a while so that you can come back to it with a fresh outlook, decide in advance when exactly you're going to return to the project. With mental illness, it can be tempting to tell yourself that you'll return to the project when you're in the right mindset, but this is such a broad idea that you can easily procrastinate by telling yourself that you're not quite ready yet. Set a date to return to your project, and no matter what your mood is, check in with the project and see what you can do. Even if your return isn't as productive as you'd hoped, at least you came back- which is more than I can say about dozens of projects I've started.
Starting other projects
I am very guilty of this. I'll "take a break" from (ahem, abandon) a project because the rush of energy is gone, and then get a rush of energy for something else, another idea I've just had, or something that inspires me. Like other people I know with mental illness, I am often driven by strong bursts of energy, because I don't know when I'll have the energy to start a project again. What I would recommend (both to you, dear reader, and myself) is to write down the project and nothing else- I say this because writing down what you want to do and outlining the whole thing, ie. starting the whole cycle again, are two different things. If your idea is good, then it will still be good when you come back to it after finishing what you're currently working on.
Second attempt
I'll admit, I often don't get this far. Or if I do, it's a very lame attempt in an effort to make myself feel better about not doing more work earlier. But here's the thing- if I'm working on something to alleviate my conscience, then once again I'm being driven by a strong burst of emotion. Not the best way to do work. Obviously you're not going to be unfeeling about projects close to your heart, but it's important that your motivation is coming from somewhere more stable than random bursts of positive or negative energy. Like I said before, find a method that works for you- something that will keep you motivated and consistently working, rather than going back and forth between excitement and abandonment. For writing, I find word count goals very helpful.
Oh my God, have I actually finished something?
This doesn't always happen, so take a moment to be proud of what you've accomplished. You did this! Now, depending on the project, it's going to take more than two attempts, but with small, regular efforts, you will reach the finish line! Now, one last step- look over what you've done! I am notorious for not proof-reading written work, or closing something as soon as I've finished it. I've known other people who have felt that their mental illness makes it impossible for them to look over what they've done because they will hate it or feel that it's never good enough. But you have done so well to get this far, you can complete this last step! If you need to take a few hours or even a day or two before you give the project one last look, that's fine, but remember- give yourself a solid time frame. If you say you're going to do one last run-through tomorrow, do it tomorrow. It's one last push, but that's the beauty of it- it's the last. Once you do that, you're done! You completed something and you can proudly see (and show others, if you'd like) what you have accomplished!
I wrote this article for myself as much as for anyone else. I know that I'll look back on this in the future when I find myself stuck halfway through a project. My top tips would be to do small, regular amounts of work, set strict time frames, and not use unhealthy bursts of energy as your source of motivation. If you have any tips you'd like to share, I'd love to hear them! If you ever find yourself wanting to do something, but finding that you just can't seem to get it done, come back to this article and see if taking a moment to assess what stage you're at helps. I hope it does!
