It’s like what Herman Hesse said in his story Siddhartha about the difference between seeking and finding.

I did the wrong order and read Steppenwolf first. Hence, I got stuck on "unproductive happiness" and "productive unhappiness". That book sticks to me until now, and though I enjoyed Siddartha, the powerful melancholy of Steppenwolf had already shaped me. I usually recommend skipping the tractate as it's quite redundant, but if you already know Hesse, you might not mind it.

reading some new books or trying to re-read the book that I want to fully understand.

PKD and Kafka to avoid that. Kafka is quite known for avoiding being "fully understood". Sure, you can always go the easy way and say "But his father!", but there's so much more to it. Even Adorno said that Kafka is to be taken literally, as there is no way to fully understand, decipher the supposed metaphors and let the book gather dust from then on. PKD is similar, on a different level, but with way more depth then given credit. The electric sheep are literal.

Personally for me, it is also a way for me to reconnect to my core beliefs that I long abandoned.

Finding one's values is the most beautiful thing. It hurts in many ways, but the first step to being coherent with them is the first step to being truly happy.

Thank you for this post!