Dear Amanda. Happy Birthday!
I hope you are doing as good as possible where ever you may be. <3
I've been thinking about you a lot lately... And, I've been thinking of my family a lot too.
Unfortunately my dad got really sick and had to go to the hospital and has been in serious condition.
He seems to be improving now and was recently taken out of the ICU and I heard yesterday that he got transferred to rehab which is great news!
And, I just got off the phone with him and he told me he got off the oxygen as well! Yay! Though, for a while there I was extremely worried he might pass away and I am still very concerned and worried about him.
He was taken in to the hospital the day before his birthday which is not far from when your birthday is and the timing and feelings/memories have been surreal and scary.
I hadn't really prayed since the situation with you because I felt like the prayers didn't work since you passed, though I got so sad and distraught that I prayed for my father and asked for help from any benevolent beings and even said "please".
I dunno if it helped or not, I just felt really hopeless... But, it does kind of feel like it helped at the very least to reassure my father that there's a lot of people who care about him.
I also asked for my internet friends to help and a lot of people sent prayers or love and I dunno if that helped either, yet he has improved a lot and I'm hopeful he will survive this.
I've been watching a lot of videos on YouTube recently about miracle healings and prayers and psychic powers and those kinds of things cause I was hoping I might learn something that might help and...
I do more and more feel open minded to the subject and I would go so far as to say that I do think there is something to it even if it doesn't always work the way we would hope it would.
I recently heard I think it was on a YouTube video someone suggested that those from the other side can pray for us here on this physical plane as well.
I'd never thought of that before and it makes me think that you might be praying for me and my father as well, if so that is awesome and so much appreciated. <3
I'm so grateful I got to meet you even if we didn't have a long time together in person... I feel like you're there spiritually and you taught me so much in such a short amount of time.
It feels so reassuring to have the belief that you are always there with me even if I can't see you. <3
Life sure has been crazy... First you passed and then I almost died from botulism and now my father had a similar experience and is still struggling and so many people seem to be getting sick and passing these days.
I see it on my social media feed so much more than I ever did before to the point it feels far reaching and I feel like there's something more going on and the conspiracy theorist in me feels like we are being attacked, not just us specifically... But, humanity in general.
I don't know what to do, I'm not sure anyone truly does...
I'm just trying to be as healthy, grateful and present as possible as I've learned those are some of the most important things in recent years. <3
I heard recently that the high school in Sedona is shutting down because the big companies came in and bought all the property to create and rent Air Bnb's to the point that there's not enough kids left in Sedona to justify having a high school anymore...
So crazy... I remember going to the celebration of your life there and it feels so weird thinking it's not gonna be there in the same way anymore especially after they spent SO MUCH money on it.
Things sure are changing in a lot of ways... I've heard it said change is the only constant and that so much of our suffering comes from resisting that change, I'm human and not perfect but I'm trying to allow things to change without holding on too tight.
Sometimes I feel like I'm so tired and I could pass away and not feel so bad about it despite all the dreams I had wanted to experience, though I technically still have a lot of life left to potentially live and I try to remind myself that it's still possible to experience a lot of those dreams if I keep trying and don't give up...
It's okay if none of that happens though... I'm just so grateful I had as much time as I had with my family and friends and you.
I definitely wish I had more time with you and everyone, though... Just knowing I had as much time as I did is a major thing to be thankful for. <3
Anyways... I think that's it for now... It's kinda hard to be excited about the future with my dad struggling so much, though I would say that there are things I am still excited about and hopefully I can tell you more in the next letter if the universe allows it.
Endless and infinite love to you always, eternally and forever... Bye until next time. <3
