Enough With Your Blunt Hedge and Rotten Drum Kit
Dear Mavis,
I have always felt frustrated living near to you. You are the most crumpled neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your drum playing.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your hedge is too blunt and your drum kit way too rotten. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a hammer
I have to insist that you take action to stop your drum playing from upsetting me. I demand that you take the fence down then varnish the fence.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your broken fence increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a classy neighbourhood like Rose Close.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the fire brigade and post photos of your drum playing on Twitter.
Furthermore, I have close ties with the mob and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
albert-camus